This is going to be like the VMAs of Tot quotes--I've been super lazy and they're building up soooo before I forget them... here are some ridic things this little Casserole has thrown at me over the last few months
-Blow drying my hair:
"Mom?, did you TRY to make your hair that color?"
"Sorta--why?"
"You look Goth"
-Just chillin'
"Mom? wouldn't you be soooo freaked out if someone lifted up your pant legs?"
"Random...why would someone lift up my pant leg?"
"Just pretend!...like you were at the mall..and someone lifted up your pant legs to see your legs--wouldn't you be soooo embarrassed?!?"
"Whhyyyyyyy would this happen and why would I be embarrassed?"
"becauuuuse--you have all those freckles!!"
-Driving to school
"Mom, I'd rather barf than listen to this song--can we CHANGE it?"
-Grocery Shopping
"Mom, do you ever scare strangers?"
"Not intentionally--whyyy?"
"I just did"
-Self Examination
"Mom? Can you tell what nipple my teacher elbowed me in?"
"WHAAAAAAT?"
"My teacher elbowed me in my nipple and now one is bigger than the other--you can totally tell! And it hurts!"
"I...can't...tell..."
"Yes you can...LOOK!"
-Pick up
"Mom? Have I had all my shots?"
(laughter)"yes, but you're not spayed, why?"
"In class today I was suuuuper itchy and Ms Sara said maybe I had chicken pox and asked if I had gotten the shot"
"yes...you've had your 'shots'"
Friday, January 27, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Ear Muffs!
For those of you with babies or toddlers who have found yourself saying "I can't wait until they can talk"...this may change your mind :)
For some reason...the more quietly you speak...the more your child chooses to tune in. I could tell Taytum to brush her teeth 27 times and get zero response...I whisper ANYTHING...and she asks me 20 questions about what I'm talking about...especially if any type of food is involved.
If you think your kid isn't listening because they are:
a) not physically in the same room
b) you're talking discretely
You're WRONG ....they're listening....case AND point...
"Mom, I told Nana something today that was bothering me..."
"What was it?"
"Well...she always tells me to come to her if something is bothering me..."
"Yep, that's good--what's bothering you?"
"Well, I told her that sometimes when I go to bed...You and Aunt Robin stay up in the Kitchen and talk bad about her..."
(Picked up dropped jaw)
Pause: Morally, She did the "right thing" ...so I struggled with whether or not I should threaten to NOT buy the Unicorn I've been promising since she was 4 or to embrace her willingness to throw me under the bus so her feelings could be acknowledged. I went with the later...unpause.
"Thaaaat's grrreeeat Tay, I'm glad you were able to talk about your feelings"
"Well it does bother me"
"Sorry, I'm glad you went to Nana, and you can come to me and Aunt Robin too..."
Moral of the story--your kid is always listening and they WILL stab you in the back if you talk smack about their Nana.
For some reason...the more quietly you speak...the more your child chooses to tune in. I could tell Taytum to brush her teeth 27 times and get zero response...I whisper ANYTHING...and she asks me 20 questions about what I'm talking about...especially if any type of food is involved.
If you think your kid isn't listening because they are:
a) not physically in the same room
b) you're talking discretely
You're WRONG ....they're listening....case AND point...
"Mom, I told Nana something today that was bothering me..."
"What was it?"
"Well...she always tells me to come to her if something is bothering me..."
"Yep, that's good--what's bothering you?"
"Well, I told her that sometimes when I go to bed...You and Aunt Robin stay up in the Kitchen and talk bad about her..."
(Picked up dropped jaw)
Pause: Morally, She did the "right thing" ...so I struggled with whether or not I should threaten to NOT buy the Unicorn I've been promising since she was 4 or to embrace her willingness to throw me under the bus so her feelings could be acknowledged. I went with the later...unpause.
"Thaaaat's grrreeeat Tay, I'm glad you were able to talk about your feelings"
"Well it does bother me"
"Sorry, I'm glad you went to Nana, and you can come to me and Aunt Robin too..."
Moral of the story--your kid is always listening and they WILL stab you in the back if you talk smack about their Nana.
Friday, November 25, 2011
I am thankful for the kid's table
Most parents do a great job at instilling table manners in their kids when they turn into a human from a baby--I did. Here's the thing--like with EVERYTHING else and kids--you have to continue to remind them how to act/behave while eating.
Imagine Tatyum at a dinner table....yes, it's as funny as you're picturing it and yes, it's as gross as you're picturing it.
It has enlightened me on why the kid's table was invented at holidays.
Several years ago Taytum interrupted Thanksgiving dinner to leave the table and show us, including my Grandma, her impression of a snake (this asside waaaaaas incredibly hilarious). However, the look on my Grandma's face--pure confusion. I don't think kids left the dinner table to do snake impressions back in the day : /
A year or two after that Thanksgiving Taytum interrupted dinner to get out of her seat and show us, including my Grandma, the "Sprinkler" and the "Shopping Cart" (again...hilarious...not at the dinner table--on Thanksgiving--with my Grandma) ha
THIS YEAR...the year that has determined we will be purchasing a kid's table, even though Tayter is the ONLY child...she has earned herself her own table...
Tay: "I tricked a boy in my class the other day"
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Tay: "Yeah, I made him think I was barfing"
Me: "Taytum...not now..we're eating"
Tay: "It's okay...it doesn't get gross or anything"
Me: "Yeah but you need to practice not talking about bodily funcitons/fluids at the table--when you eat at other people's homes they will not enjoy this"
Tay: "I know, I don't--really, it's not gross, I'll tell you, it's really funny..."
(She proceeds to do both the actions, facial expressions, and the sound effects of actual barfing)
Me: "Well at least it didn't get gross"
Tay: "it was sooooo funny...he thought I was really barfing"
We will have a kid's table by Christmas!
Imagine Tatyum at a dinner table....yes, it's as funny as you're picturing it and yes, it's as gross as you're picturing it.
It has enlightened me on why the kid's table was invented at holidays.
Several years ago Taytum interrupted Thanksgiving dinner to leave the table and show us, including my Grandma, her impression of a snake (this asside waaaaaas incredibly hilarious). However, the look on my Grandma's face--pure confusion. I don't think kids left the dinner table to do snake impressions back in the day : /
A year or two after that Thanksgiving Taytum interrupted dinner to get out of her seat and show us, including my Grandma, the "Sprinkler" and the "Shopping Cart" (again...hilarious...not at the dinner table--on Thanksgiving--with my Grandma) ha
THIS YEAR...the year that has determined we will be purchasing a kid's table, even though Tayter is the ONLY child...she has earned herself her own table...
Tay: "I tricked a boy in my class the other day"
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Tay: "Yeah, I made him think I was barfing"
Me: "Taytum...not now..we're eating"
Tay: "It's okay...it doesn't get gross or anything"
Me: "Yeah but you need to practice not talking about bodily funcitons/fluids at the table--when you eat at other people's homes they will not enjoy this"
Tay: "I know, I don't--really, it's not gross, I'll tell you, it's really funny..."
(She proceeds to do both the actions, facial expressions, and the sound effects of actual barfing)
Me: "Well at least it didn't get gross"
Tay: "it was sooooo funny...he thought I was really barfing"
We will have a kid's table by Christmas!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Everybody Poops
WARNING---this is about poop and despite your denial boys...everybody poops...even girls...even the pretty ones and for the sake of this important parenting advice I'm willing to talk about my own personal poop.
I was out with some friends for my closest friends bday celebrations and we were talking about the P-word and other things that come with it....mainly before it...and even though everybody poops, for some reason we all get embarrassed admitting it. If you are one of these embarrassed poopers...and you have a young child (<2) or will be acquiring one someday....here is your warning..
When you potty train your kid you turn into a weirdo that claps and gives trophies whenever they piss or shit. This is the warning part...If you get super excited about your kid pooping and celebrate the event---they will get excited when you do it--and celebrate--with strangers.
True Story
When Taytum was potty training we made a huge deal out of it like everyone does--I make a mean sticker chart :) Anyways...we went to Culver's one particular night during this 2 year process (wish I was exaggerating). When we got inside I said to young Tayter Tot "Let's go potty first and then we'll order"
We get in line to order and Taytum turns to the man-stranger behind us and cheerfully announces
"My mom just pooped!"
Point.Case.
I was out with some friends for my closest friends bday celebrations and we were talking about the P-word and other things that come with it....mainly before it...and even though everybody poops, for some reason we all get embarrassed admitting it. If you are one of these embarrassed poopers...and you have a young child (<2) or will be acquiring one someday....here is your warning..
When you potty train your kid you turn into a weirdo that claps and gives trophies whenever they piss or shit. This is the warning part...If you get super excited about your kid pooping and celebrate the event---they will get excited when you do it--and celebrate--with strangers.
True Story
When Taytum was potty training we made a huge deal out of it like everyone does--I make a mean sticker chart :) Anyways...we went to Culver's one particular night during this 2 year process (wish I was exaggerating). When we got inside I said to young Tayter Tot "Let's go potty first and then we'll order"
We get in line to order and Taytum turns to the man-stranger behind us and cheerfully announces
"My mom just pooped!"
Point.Case.
The Importance of Cable
Over the weekend the Reisdorf Fam was digging out the last of our garden at my Grandparents' farm. Early this spring/summer we were planting our goodies when the Tayter Tot noticed something white in the distance....
PAUSE
I know as parents, especially when kids are younger, you fight to not let your kid watch TV. Well consider this an argument for the defense--you NEED to let your kids watch TV--not that SpongeBob shit....but Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, PBS, etc.
UNPAUSE
...Taytum, noticing this white mysterious object, pulls from her small undeveloped frontal lobe that it must be a baby polar bear.
"Is that a baby polar bear?"
"Where?!?!"
"In the field...what is that?"
"Garbage"
"Oh"
"Plus Polar bears don't live in Wisconsin...and it's summer..."
We gave her a hard time for a day or two anytime we saw something white laying around and then life went on--and we ordered her a national geographic subscription.
Well.....over the weekend, while we were at the farm my dad noticed a white plastic bag in the field and decided to poke a little fun at her.
Despite what you may think from my blogs--we don't point and laugh at Taytum (our arms would get too tired) --she has a great sense of humor and can take it pretty well when we laugh at her/with her.
Dad: "Tay is that a baby polar bear out there?"
Tay: "Where?!?!?!"
After she looked EVERYWHERE....
Me: "Well, Taytum...do you really need to look around? We know that Polar Bears don't live in Wisconsin right?"
Tay: "It could have walked here! From Antarctica!"
Robin: "Well...it would have had to swim..."
Tay: BLANK STARE
Me: "You're getting a map for Christmas"
PAUSE
I know as parents, especially when kids are younger, you fight to not let your kid watch TV. Well consider this an argument for the defense--you NEED to let your kids watch TV--not that SpongeBob shit....but Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, PBS, etc.
UNPAUSE
...Taytum, noticing this white mysterious object, pulls from her small undeveloped frontal lobe that it must be a baby polar bear.
"Is that a baby polar bear?"
"Where?!?!"
"In the field...what is that?"
"Garbage"
"Oh"
"Plus Polar bears don't live in Wisconsin...and it's summer..."
We gave her a hard time for a day or two anytime we saw something white laying around and then life went on--and we ordered her a national geographic subscription.
Well.....over the weekend, while we were at the farm my dad noticed a white plastic bag in the field and decided to poke a little fun at her.
Despite what you may think from my blogs--we don't point and laugh at Taytum (our arms would get too tired) --she has a great sense of humor and can take it pretty well when we laugh at her/with her.
Dad: "Tay is that a baby polar bear out there?"
Tay: "Where?!?!?!"
After she looked EVERYWHERE....
Me: "Well, Taytum...do you really need to look around? We know that Polar Bears don't live in Wisconsin right?"
Tay: "It could have walked here! From Antarctica!"
Robin: "Well...it would have had to swim..."
Tay: BLANK STARE
Me: "You're getting a map for Christmas"
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What's the Politically Correct way to say "kids are stupid"?
In approximately 2 weeks Tayter Tot will be NINE--this makes me both joyful and nauseous. Joyful because I've succeeded in keeping something alive that long (I've had 3 house plants in my adult life and 0 have lived to share their autobiographies) and nauseous because I almost have no idea how 9 years just passed by--there's a lot of wine involved in raising kids...
I do flash-back to her younger years often and I was recently discussing with a friend/fellow parent the "joys" of parenting young toddlers.
I will warn those of you with young children (<2) and those of you without children that may someday acquire one...the person who coined the phrase "Terrible 2's" either killed their kid or gave it away because 3's are way worse...and while we're being honest...4's are not a cake-walk either (sorry).
BUT--there is an enormous decrease in their asshole qualities somewhere around 4 1/2-5yrs of age and they are more tolerable and quite a bit more enjoyable to play with, converse with, etc.
HOWEVER---Kids are stupid--it is a scientific fact. I wouldn't be contributing to the efforts of suicide/homicide prevention if I didn't share this with those of you who haven't figured it out or haven't experienced it first hand so this is your warning...KIDS ARE STUPID--it will frustrate you far less if you remember this. (Again--Parenting By Becca classes are fully booked, I apologize).
This weekend we joined my sister for a slumber party at a house where she was dog-sitting. This dog is a mix of a Great Dane and an English Bulldog--it's a "puppy" and weighs the same as Taytum but is 99.8% muscle and dominated all of us quickly.
Taytum wanted to play on the trampoline in the backyard but was afraid the dog would attack her so Robin assured her it was okay because there was an invisible fence around the yard blocking the trampoline off so the dog couldn't bother her.
PAUSE
Taytum is mostly smart--she does very well in school and can USUALLY catch on quickly...this was NOT one of those times and it led Robin and I spending almost 30 minutes of our lives telling her what invisible fencing was...it didn't matter...due to the scientific fact of kids being stupid.--I now know why "Because I said so" was so popular and I intend to use it more often effective immediately.
UN-PAUSE
We look out the window to see Taytum walking with her hands in front of her trying to make her way to the trampoline feeling out the air.
Robin: What are you doing?
Tay: Trying to find the invisible fence
Robin: You can't feel it...
Tay: How will I get to the trampoline?
Robin: Just go..
Tay: Won't I get shocked?!?
KIDS ARE STUPID...funny...but stupid.
I do flash-back to her younger years often and I was recently discussing with a friend/fellow parent the "joys" of parenting young toddlers.
I will warn those of you with young children (<2) and those of you without children that may someday acquire one...the person who coined the phrase "Terrible 2's" either killed their kid or gave it away because 3's are way worse...and while we're being honest...4's are not a cake-walk either (sorry).
BUT--there is an enormous decrease in their asshole qualities somewhere around 4 1/2-5yrs of age and they are more tolerable and quite a bit more enjoyable to play with, converse with, etc.
HOWEVER---Kids are stupid--it is a scientific fact. I wouldn't be contributing to the efforts of suicide/homicide prevention if I didn't share this with those of you who haven't figured it out or haven't experienced it first hand so this is your warning...KIDS ARE STUPID--it will frustrate you far less if you remember this. (Again--Parenting By Becca classes are fully booked, I apologize).
This weekend we joined my sister for a slumber party at a house where she was dog-sitting. This dog is a mix of a Great Dane and an English Bulldog--it's a "puppy" and weighs the same as Taytum but is 99.8% muscle and dominated all of us quickly.
Taytum wanted to play on the trampoline in the backyard but was afraid the dog would attack her so Robin assured her it was okay because there was an invisible fence around the yard blocking the trampoline off so the dog couldn't bother her.
PAUSE
Taytum is mostly smart--she does very well in school and can USUALLY catch on quickly...this was NOT one of those times and it led Robin and I spending almost 30 minutes of our lives telling her what invisible fencing was...it didn't matter...due to the scientific fact of kids being stupid.--I now know why "Because I said so" was so popular and I intend to use it more often effective immediately.
UN-PAUSE
We look out the window to see Taytum walking with her hands in front of her trying to make her way to the trampoline feeling out the air.
Robin: What are you doing?
Tay: Trying to find the invisible fence
Robin: You can't feel it...
Tay: How will I get to the trampoline?
Robin: Just go..
Tay: Won't I get shocked?!?
KIDS ARE STUPID...funny...but stupid.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Sleigh or Windowless Van?
If "Santa" is good for one thing it's that he makes a great manipulation tool for children (Sorry, "Parenting By Becca" classes are full). I'm certainly not the first parent to pull the "Santa is watching..." card--nor will I be the last. Unfortunately your window for using this tactic is small--it only works for about a year or two and it expires once the kid turns 5...as I found out with Taytum. To those of you with small children/babies--here is your WARNING...
A few years ago, after using the "Santa is Watching" bit, Tayter started to get a little concerned--and with good reason.
Whenever she needed to go to the bathroom, take a bath, get changed, etc., she would hesitate and ask "Is Santa ALWAYS watching?...like can he see me right now?"
When you play the "Santa is watching" game the last thing you want is for your kid to expose you for a fraud! So without putting much thought into my responses I would always say "Yep, always watching"...
Unfortunately they don't give awards for 'who can unintentionally damage their child the most amount of times'...I think we all know whose mantel would have a lot more bling on it if they did...
"Gross, so he can see me NAKED!!?!"
(crap)
"No, no, he gives you privacy when you're in the bathroom"
"Are you sure he's not watching me when I'm in the shower?"
Every once in awhile she will still ask me if it's "safe" to be naked. Ahhhh, I'm not sure if Taytum will be more relieved when she finally figures out the whole santa thing or P.O.'d that she's been showering in her swimsuit for no reason : /
A few years ago, after using the "Santa is Watching" bit, Tayter started to get a little concerned--and with good reason.
Whenever she needed to go to the bathroom, take a bath, get changed, etc., she would hesitate and ask "Is Santa ALWAYS watching?...like can he see me right now?"
When you play the "Santa is watching" game the last thing you want is for your kid to expose you for a fraud! So without putting much thought into my responses I would always say "Yep, always watching"...
Unfortunately they don't give awards for 'who can unintentionally damage their child the most amount of times'...I think we all know whose mantel would have a lot more bling on it if they did...
"Gross, so he can see me NAKED!!?!"
(crap)
"No, no, he gives you privacy when you're in the bathroom"
"Are you sure he's not watching me when I'm in the shower?"
Every once in awhile she will still ask me if it's "safe" to be naked. Ahhhh, I'm not sure if Taytum will be more relieved when she finally figures out the whole santa thing or P.O.'d that she's been showering in her swimsuit for no reason : /
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