Most parents do a great job at instilling table manners in their kids when they turn into a human from a baby--I did. Here's the thing--like with EVERYTHING else and kids--you have to continue to remind them how to act/behave while eating.
Imagine Tatyum at a dinner table....yes, it's as funny as you're picturing it and yes, it's as gross as you're picturing it.
It has enlightened me on why the kid's table was invented at holidays.
Several years ago Taytum interrupted Thanksgiving dinner to leave the table and show us, including my Grandma, her impression of a snake (this asside waaaaaas incredibly hilarious). However, the look on my Grandma's face--pure confusion. I don't think kids left the dinner table to do snake impressions back in the day : /
A year or two after that Thanksgiving Taytum interrupted dinner to get out of her seat and show us, including my Grandma, the "Sprinkler" and the "Shopping Cart" (again...hilarious...not at the dinner table--on Thanksgiving--with my Grandma) ha
THIS YEAR...the year that has determined we will be purchasing a kid's table, even though Tayter is the ONLY child...she has earned herself her own table...
Tay: "I tricked a boy in my class the other day"
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Tay: "Yeah, I made him think I was barfing"
Me: "Taytum...not now..we're eating"
Tay: "It's okay...it doesn't get gross or anything"
Me: "Yeah but you need to practice not talking about bodily funcitons/fluids at the table--when you eat at other people's homes they will not enjoy this"
Tay: "I know, I don't--really, it's not gross, I'll tell you, it's really funny..."
(She proceeds to do both the actions, facial expressions, and the sound effects of actual barfing)
Me: "Well at least it didn't get gross"
Tay: "it was sooooo funny...he thought I was really barfing"
We will have a kid's table by Christmas!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Everybody Poops
WARNING---this is about poop and despite your denial boys...everybody poops...even girls...even the pretty ones and for the sake of this important parenting advice I'm willing to talk about my own personal poop.
I was out with some friends for my closest friends bday celebrations and we were talking about the P-word and other things that come with it....mainly before it...and even though everybody poops, for some reason we all get embarrassed admitting it. If you are one of these embarrassed poopers...and you have a young child (<2) or will be acquiring one someday....here is your warning..
When you potty train your kid you turn into a weirdo that claps and gives trophies whenever they piss or shit. This is the warning part...If you get super excited about your kid pooping and celebrate the event---they will get excited when you do it--and celebrate--with strangers.
True Story
When Taytum was potty training we made a huge deal out of it like everyone does--I make a mean sticker chart :) Anyways...we went to Culver's one particular night during this 2 year process (wish I was exaggerating). When we got inside I said to young Tayter Tot "Let's go potty first and then we'll order"
We get in line to order and Taytum turns to the man-stranger behind us and cheerfully announces
"My mom just pooped!"
Point.Case.
I was out with some friends for my closest friends bday celebrations and we were talking about the P-word and other things that come with it....mainly before it...and even though everybody poops, for some reason we all get embarrassed admitting it. If you are one of these embarrassed poopers...and you have a young child (<2) or will be acquiring one someday....here is your warning..
When you potty train your kid you turn into a weirdo that claps and gives trophies whenever they piss or shit. This is the warning part...If you get super excited about your kid pooping and celebrate the event---they will get excited when you do it--and celebrate--with strangers.
True Story
When Taytum was potty training we made a huge deal out of it like everyone does--I make a mean sticker chart :) Anyways...we went to Culver's one particular night during this 2 year process (wish I was exaggerating). When we got inside I said to young Tayter Tot "Let's go potty first and then we'll order"
We get in line to order and Taytum turns to the man-stranger behind us and cheerfully announces
"My mom just pooped!"
Point.Case.
The Importance of Cable
Over the weekend the Reisdorf Fam was digging out the last of our garden at my Grandparents' farm. Early this spring/summer we were planting our goodies when the Tayter Tot noticed something white in the distance....
PAUSE
I know as parents, especially when kids are younger, you fight to not let your kid watch TV. Well consider this an argument for the defense--you NEED to let your kids watch TV--not that SpongeBob shit....but Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, PBS, etc.
UNPAUSE
...Taytum, noticing this white mysterious object, pulls from her small undeveloped frontal lobe that it must be a baby polar bear.
"Is that a baby polar bear?"
"Where?!?!"
"In the field...what is that?"
"Garbage"
"Oh"
"Plus Polar bears don't live in Wisconsin...and it's summer..."
We gave her a hard time for a day or two anytime we saw something white laying around and then life went on--and we ordered her a national geographic subscription.
Well.....over the weekend, while we were at the farm my dad noticed a white plastic bag in the field and decided to poke a little fun at her.
Despite what you may think from my blogs--we don't point and laugh at Taytum (our arms would get too tired) --she has a great sense of humor and can take it pretty well when we laugh at her/with her.
Dad: "Tay is that a baby polar bear out there?"
Tay: "Where?!?!?!"
After she looked EVERYWHERE....
Me: "Well, Taytum...do you really need to look around? We know that Polar Bears don't live in Wisconsin right?"
Tay: "It could have walked here! From Antarctica!"
Robin: "Well...it would have had to swim..."
Tay: BLANK STARE
Me: "You're getting a map for Christmas"
PAUSE
I know as parents, especially when kids are younger, you fight to not let your kid watch TV. Well consider this an argument for the defense--you NEED to let your kids watch TV--not that SpongeBob shit....but Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, PBS, etc.
UNPAUSE
...Taytum, noticing this white mysterious object, pulls from her small undeveloped frontal lobe that it must be a baby polar bear.
"Is that a baby polar bear?"
"Where?!?!"
"In the field...what is that?"
"Garbage"
"Oh"
"Plus Polar bears don't live in Wisconsin...and it's summer..."
We gave her a hard time for a day or two anytime we saw something white laying around and then life went on--and we ordered her a national geographic subscription.
Well.....over the weekend, while we were at the farm my dad noticed a white plastic bag in the field and decided to poke a little fun at her.
Despite what you may think from my blogs--we don't point and laugh at Taytum (our arms would get too tired) --she has a great sense of humor and can take it pretty well when we laugh at her/with her.
Dad: "Tay is that a baby polar bear out there?"
Tay: "Where?!?!?!"
After she looked EVERYWHERE....
Me: "Well, Taytum...do you really need to look around? We know that Polar Bears don't live in Wisconsin right?"
Tay: "It could have walked here! From Antarctica!"
Robin: "Well...it would have had to swim..."
Tay: BLANK STARE
Me: "You're getting a map for Christmas"
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What's the Politically Correct way to say "kids are stupid"?
In approximately 2 weeks Tayter Tot will be NINE--this makes me both joyful and nauseous. Joyful because I've succeeded in keeping something alive that long (I've had 3 house plants in my adult life and 0 have lived to share their autobiographies) and nauseous because I almost have no idea how 9 years just passed by--there's a lot of wine involved in raising kids...
I do flash-back to her younger years often and I was recently discussing with a friend/fellow parent the "joys" of parenting young toddlers.
I will warn those of you with young children (<2) and those of you without children that may someday acquire one...the person who coined the phrase "Terrible 2's" either killed their kid or gave it away because 3's are way worse...and while we're being honest...4's are not a cake-walk either (sorry).
BUT--there is an enormous decrease in their asshole qualities somewhere around 4 1/2-5yrs of age and they are more tolerable and quite a bit more enjoyable to play with, converse with, etc.
HOWEVER---Kids are stupid--it is a scientific fact. I wouldn't be contributing to the efforts of suicide/homicide prevention if I didn't share this with those of you who haven't figured it out or haven't experienced it first hand so this is your warning...KIDS ARE STUPID--it will frustrate you far less if you remember this. (Again--Parenting By Becca classes are fully booked, I apologize).
This weekend we joined my sister for a slumber party at a house where she was dog-sitting. This dog is a mix of a Great Dane and an English Bulldog--it's a "puppy" and weighs the same as Taytum but is 99.8% muscle and dominated all of us quickly.
Taytum wanted to play on the trampoline in the backyard but was afraid the dog would attack her so Robin assured her it was okay because there was an invisible fence around the yard blocking the trampoline off so the dog couldn't bother her.
PAUSE
Taytum is mostly smart--she does very well in school and can USUALLY catch on quickly...this was NOT one of those times and it led Robin and I spending almost 30 minutes of our lives telling her what invisible fencing was...it didn't matter...due to the scientific fact of kids being stupid.--I now know why "Because I said so" was so popular and I intend to use it more often effective immediately.
UN-PAUSE
We look out the window to see Taytum walking with her hands in front of her trying to make her way to the trampoline feeling out the air.
Robin: What are you doing?
Tay: Trying to find the invisible fence
Robin: You can't feel it...
Tay: How will I get to the trampoline?
Robin: Just go..
Tay: Won't I get shocked?!?
KIDS ARE STUPID...funny...but stupid.
I do flash-back to her younger years often and I was recently discussing with a friend/fellow parent the "joys" of parenting young toddlers.
I will warn those of you with young children (<2) and those of you without children that may someday acquire one...the person who coined the phrase "Terrible 2's" either killed their kid or gave it away because 3's are way worse...and while we're being honest...4's are not a cake-walk either (sorry).
BUT--there is an enormous decrease in their asshole qualities somewhere around 4 1/2-5yrs of age and they are more tolerable and quite a bit more enjoyable to play with, converse with, etc.
HOWEVER---Kids are stupid--it is a scientific fact. I wouldn't be contributing to the efforts of suicide/homicide prevention if I didn't share this with those of you who haven't figured it out or haven't experienced it first hand so this is your warning...KIDS ARE STUPID--it will frustrate you far less if you remember this. (Again--Parenting By Becca classes are fully booked, I apologize).
This weekend we joined my sister for a slumber party at a house where she was dog-sitting. This dog is a mix of a Great Dane and an English Bulldog--it's a "puppy" and weighs the same as Taytum but is 99.8% muscle and dominated all of us quickly.
Taytum wanted to play on the trampoline in the backyard but was afraid the dog would attack her so Robin assured her it was okay because there was an invisible fence around the yard blocking the trampoline off so the dog couldn't bother her.
PAUSE
Taytum is mostly smart--she does very well in school and can USUALLY catch on quickly...this was NOT one of those times and it led Robin and I spending almost 30 minutes of our lives telling her what invisible fencing was...it didn't matter...due to the scientific fact of kids being stupid.--I now know why "Because I said so" was so popular and I intend to use it more often effective immediately.
UN-PAUSE
We look out the window to see Taytum walking with her hands in front of her trying to make her way to the trampoline feeling out the air.
Robin: What are you doing?
Tay: Trying to find the invisible fence
Robin: You can't feel it...
Tay: How will I get to the trampoline?
Robin: Just go..
Tay: Won't I get shocked?!?
KIDS ARE STUPID...funny...but stupid.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Sleigh or Windowless Van?
If "Santa" is good for one thing it's that he makes a great manipulation tool for children (Sorry, "Parenting By Becca" classes are full). I'm certainly not the first parent to pull the "Santa is watching..." card--nor will I be the last. Unfortunately your window for using this tactic is small--it only works for about a year or two and it expires once the kid turns 5...as I found out with Taytum. To those of you with small children/babies--here is your WARNING...
A few years ago, after using the "Santa is Watching" bit, Tayter started to get a little concerned--and with good reason.
Whenever she needed to go to the bathroom, take a bath, get changed, etc., she would hesitate and ask "Is Santa ALWAYS watching?...like can he see me right now?"
When you play the "Santa is watching" game the last thing you want is for your kid to expose you for a fraud! So without putting much thought into my responses I would always say "Yep, always watching"...
Unfortunately they don't give awards for 'who can unintentionally damage their child the most amount of times'...I think we all know whose mantel would have a lot more bling on it if they did...
"Gross, so he can see me NAKED!!?!"
(crap)
"No, no, he gives you privacy when you're in the bathroom"
"Are you sure he's not watching me when I'm in the shower?"
Every once in awhile she will still ask me if it's "safe" to be naked. Ahhhh, I'm not sure if Taytum will be more relieved when she finally figures out the whole santa thing or P.O.'d that she's been showering in her swimsuit for no reason : /
A few years ago, after using the "Santa is Watching" bit, Tayter started to get a little concerned--and with good reason.
Whenever she needed to go to the bathroom, take a bath, get changed, etc., she would hesitate and ask "Is Santa ALWAYS watching?...like can he see me right now?"
When you play the "Santa is watching" game the last thing you want is for your kid to expose you for a fraud! So without putting much thought into my responses I would always say "Yep, always watching"...
Unfortunately they don't give awards for 'who can unintentionally damage their child the most amount of times'...I think we all know whose mantel would have a lot more bling on it if they did...
"Gross, so he can see me NAKED!!?!"
(crap)
"No, no, he gives you privacy when you're in the bathroom"
"Are you sure he's not watching me when I'm in the shower?"
Every once in awhile she will still ask me if it's "safe" to be naked. Ahhhh, I'm not sure if Taytum will be more relieved when she finally figures out the whole santa thing or P.O.'d that she's been showering in her swimsuit for no reason : /
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Biggest Loser--Extreme Edition
So the Tot and I are into the Biggest Loser. Taytum got to be first to pick "her team"--she went with the Red Team for the main reason that she thought their trainer was cute (legit). I scored the Black Team. Since the show goes until 9pm and Tay has to go to bed before then--I give her the updates in the morning.
Well around 10:30pm Zombie Taytum came stumbling into the living room sleep walking/talking--to ease my fears I decided to give her the update then to distract her from harming me (again--I watched too many scary movies involving possessed children when I was younger--I'm not 100% convinced it wouldn't happen to me).
Me: "Tay guess what...bad news...your team lost this week..."
Tay: "oh...who did they kill?"
Me: "Nooooobody....it's just a contest...nobody DIES"
Tay: (puzzled) "Oh...what happens to them?"
Me: "They vote for someone to go home, remember?"
Tay: "oh yeah...so they don't kill them?"
That reminds me...I was going to look up the number for a therapist...
Well around 10:30pm Zombie Taytum came stumbling into the living room sleep walking/talking--to ease my fears I decided to give her the update then to distract her from harming me (again--I watched too many scary movies involving possessed children when I was younger--I'm not 100% convinced it wouldn't happen to me).
Me: "Tay guess what...bad news...your team lost this week..."
Tay: "oh...who did they kill?"
Me: "Nooooobody....it's just a contest...nobody DIES"
Tay: (puzzled) "Oh...what happens to them?"
Me: "They vote for someone to go home, remember?"
Tay: "oh yeah...so they don't kill them?"
That reminds me...I was going to look up the number for a therapist...
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Believe it or not...
Despite the fact that I haven't aged, Taytum has mysteriously became a 3rd grader. She brought home a questionnaire from her music teacher to fill out and return back to school.
Questions/Answers were...
Favorite Color : hot pink
Favorite Sport: soccer
Favorite Food: ribs
Favorite pet: cats
here's my favorite question/answer...
Something surprising about you: I am kind
hahaaa...whyyyy that would be a surprise I have no idea...but funny nonetheless
Questions/Answers were...
Favorite Color : hot pink
Favorite Sport: soccer
Favorite Food: ribs
Favorite pet: cats
here's my favorite question/answer...
Something surprising about you: I am kind
hahaaa...whyyyy that would be a surprise I have no idea...but funny nonetheless
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Grammar Police
Dad: "Tay can you hand me one of them towels?"
Tay: "What are you a cowboy?"
Dad: "What?"
Tay: "It's not 'them' towels it's 'those' towels. When you say 'them towels' (insert mocking cowboy voice) you sound like a cowboy!"
This coming from the girl who pronounced 'yesterday' as 'lasterday' for two years
Tay: "What are you a cowboy?"
Dad: "What?"
Tay: "It's not 'them' towels it's 'those' towels. When you say 'them towels' (insert mocking cowboy voice) you sound like a cowboy!"
This coming from the girl who pronounced 'yesterday' as 'lasterday' for two years
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Curious Taytum
I'm now convinced that Taytum is training to replace Adam Richman (Man vs Food) someday--not only because of the insane amount of food the kid can pack away but her willingness to try anything...ANYTHING
Post Cat-Food purchase (Dry kind)
"Mom? What happens after people eat cat food? Do they die?"
"No...nothing happens"
"What do you think it tastes like?"
"Probably how it smells..."
"I'm totally going to try it, I bet it's good" (Starts to open the package)
"Pleeeease do not open that in my car and pleeeease do not eat it"
"I want to!"
We feed the cats and go home...Hours later...
"Oh man! I forgot to try the cat food! I really wanted to see what it tastes like!"
Next morning...
"Don't forget to remind me to try the cat food tonight!"
"no"
She is ridiculous!
Post Cat-Food purchase (Dry kind)
"Mom? What happens after people eat cat food? Do they die?"
"No...nothing happens"
"What do you think it tastes like?"
"Probably how it smells..."
"I'm totally going to try it, I bet it's good" (Starts to open the package)
"Pleeeease do not open that in my car and pleeeease do not eat it"
"I want to!"
We feed the cats and go home...Hours later...
"Oh man! I forgot to try the cat food! I really wanted to see what it tastes like!"
Next morning...
"Don't forget to remind me to try the cat food tonight!"
"no"
She is ridiculous!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Don't Forget the Lyrics
Taytum is 8 and I'm not sure if this is universal but she's always "right". Even when we try to help her realize what the correct answer is...she insists...she's right...we're wrong. It sounds trivial right? WRONG! It is annoying because she does it every day to almost everything I say!!
My favorite is when she sings--thankfully she is still innocent enough to overhear/misunderstand most radio songs so I don't even correct her--P.S. WHO keeps writing Rihanna's songs?!?! But there are a few I try to correct her on and she still insists on being right even when it's not logical...at all!
A few examples I can think of off hand...
Extraterrestrial
Katy Perry's Version: You're an Alien...
Taytum's Version: You're an Idiot...
Stuck Like Glue
Sugarland's Version: Oh Oh Oh Oh Stuck like glue...you and me baby..
Taytum's Verison: Oh Oh Oh Oh Snuggle like blue...
Sex on Fire
K.O.L. Version: Your sex is on fire
Taytum's Version: Your Six is on fire (whew--didn't go there)
When I sang the correct Sugarland lyrics Taytum jumped in and insisted I was singing them wrong...that's when she gave me her version (snuggle like blue). When I told her that doesn't make sense she assured me that "They are snuggling so hard they turn blue...duh" I tried to explain the whole "Stuck like Glue" because glue is sticky...they're staying together...she just insisted that glue isn't sticky! Ahhhh
My favorite is when she sings--thankfully she is still innocent enough to overhear/misunderstand most radio songs so I don't even correct her--P.S. WHO keeps writing Rihanna's songs?!?! But there are a few I try to correct her on and she still insists on being right even when it's not logical...at all!
A few examples I can think of off hand...
Extraterrestrial
Katy Perry's Version: You're an Alien...
Taytum's Version: You're an Idiot...
Stuck Like Glue
Sugarland's Version: Oh Oh Oh Oh Stuck like glue...you and me baby..
Taytum's Verison: Oh Oh Oh Oh Snuggle like blue...
Sex on Fire
K.O.L. Version: Your sex is on fire
Taytum's Version: Your Six is on fire (whew--didn't go there)
When I sang the correct Sugarland lyrics Taytum jumped in and insisted I was singing them wrong...that's when she gave me her version (snuggle like blue). When I told her that doesn't make sense she assured me that "They are snuggling so hard they turn blue...duh" I tried to explain the whole "Stuck like Glue" because glue is sticky...they're staying together...she just insisted that glue isn't sticky! Ahhhh
Biology
So for those of you that know Taytum's birth story...sorry...here's one quick recap (because for those that don't--you'll need to know to truly appreciate this Taytum quote)
Short Version: Young Tayter Tot was born in a bathroom (my bathroom to be specific). For the long version you'll have to have time...it's a doosy!
Key points: Went to the hospital...got sent home...felt like I had to poo (yes, girls do that)...BAM! A Tayter Tot was born. (And No--I was not on "I didn't know I was pregnant")
Anyways...Taytum has heard me tell the story over and over and over...most recently she chimed in with...
"I always thought that's how I got brown skin"
Which is funny because not only has Taytum asked me 94 times why I have white skin and she has brown skin but so has EVERY classmate she has ever had from preschool til present day...and I've always used the analogy of mixing dark brown paint with white paint...yada yada...so leave it to Taytum to think that she was brown because I "pooped" her out. Oi!
Short Version: Young Tayter Tot was born in a bathroom (my bathroom to be specific). For the long version you'll have to have time...it's a doosy!
Key points: Went to the hospital...got sent home...felt like I had to poo (yes, girls do that)...BAM! A Tayter Tot was born. (And No--I was not on "I didn't know I was pregnant")
Anyways...Taytum has heard me tell the story over and over and over...most recently she chimed in with...
"I always thought that's how I got brown skin"
Which is funny because not only has Taytum asked me 94 times why I have white skin and she has brown skin but so has EVERY classmate she has ever had from preschool til present day...and I've always used the analogy of mixing dark brown paint with white paint...yada yada...so leave it to Taytum to think that she was brown because I "pooped" her out. Oi!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Foodie
If you read "Food For Thought...Literally" you're aware how much Taytum thinks about food. It ceases to amaze me that it never stops--even when she isn't hungry!
Taytum had a pretty severe abdominal pain that wasn't going away so we spent the weekend in-and-out of Urgent Care and the Emergency Room...where they finally had to hook her up to an IV and give her Morphine while they did a bunch of tests.
Separate Note: Kids on Morphine, especially Taytum, is super entertaining
Back to the story...
Tay was watching TV when she turned to me and asked "What do I get for having all these needles poked in me and for being so brave?"
Me: "Extra hugs and kisses!"
Tay: "What about a platter full of Tyson Chicken Nuggets?"
Me: "seriously?!?"
Tay: "yes! It sounds so good!"
Me: "Well maybe when you're feeling better and definitely not an entire platter"
Tay: "Then can I have chicken nuggets AND Cheerio's?!?"
Only Taytum
Taytum had a pretty severe abdominal pain that wasn't going away so we spent the weekend in-and-out of Urgent Care and the Emergency Room...where they finally had to hook her up to an IV and give her Morphine while they did a bunch of tests.
Separate Note: Kids on Morphine, especially Taytum, is super entertaining
Back to the story...
Tay was watching TV when she turned to me and asked "What do I get for having all these needles poked in me and for being so brave?"
Me: "Extra hugs and kisses!"
Tay: "What about a platter full of Tyson Chicken Nuggets?"
Me: "seriously?!?"
Tay: "yes! It sounds so good!"
Me: "Well maybe when you're feeling better and definitely not an entire platter"
Tay: "Then can I have chicken nuggets AND Cheerio's?!?"
Only Taytum
A Regular Sally Struthers
When the Tot turned 5 she had her wellness check up where she got all her immunizations for school. It was pretty rough--thankfully I had taken my sister so between the two of us we had to pin her down and try to distract her from the nurses giving her the shots....Robin and I cried harder than Taytum did!
When we were leaving the office Taytum made a comment about wanting to be a nurse when she grows up...
"That's nice--so you can help people feel better?"
"No! So I can give other people shots--that hurt!"
Such a giver!
This morning when I was getting ready for work Tay asked me "Mom? What is the #1 thing you care about in the WHOLE WORLD?"
"You"
"Well the thing I care most about is the homeless"
"Interesting..."
"I do, I can't help it...I just feel so bad for them" (It's the randomness of this comment that made me laugh--not the thought--we all know how thoughtful Taytum can be--until it involves money)
That's nice of her--but honestly they make more money than I do! And considering I caught her taking money from the "donation" jar and putting it into the "Taytum" jar when she was in kindergarten I'm guessing she cares just as much about giving them her money as she does about buying me proactive for my birthday!
When we were leaving the office Taytum made a comment about wanting to be a nurse when she grows up...
"That's nice--so you can help people feel better?"
"No! So I can give other people shots--that hurt!"
Such a giver!
This morning when I was getting ready for work Tay asked me "Mom? What is the #1 thing you care about in the WHOLE WORLD?"
"You"
"Well the thing I care most about is the homeless"
"Interesting..."
"I do, I can't help it...I just feel so bad for them" (It's the randomness of this comment that made me laugh--not the thought--we all know how thoughtful Taytum can be--until it involves money)
That's nice of her--but honestly they make more money than I do! And considering I caught her taking money from the "donation" jar and putting it into the "Taytum" jar when she was in kindergarten I'm guessing she cares just as much about giving them her money as she does about buying me proactive for my birthday!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Hell's Kitchen
As a firm believer in 'knowing how to cook' is the ultimate necessity in life--I teach Taytum how to cook or involve her in the process as much as possible (and she usually likes it). If you read "Creating A Monster" you'll remember how easy it is to 'damage' children....it turns out I'm a pro at this.
Tonight Taytum and I were trying to dwindle the mountain of zucchini we have coming from the garden by baking zucchini-blueberry bread. She was pretty much in control of the whole process but I checked in on her here and there and riiiiiiight as I turned to grab the pans I turned and noticed a rather significant amount of brown liquid floating on top of the batter that was, 3 seconds previously, ready to go--Taytum and a bottle of Vanilla Extract were conveniently next to the bowl...
Me: "WHAAAAT is that brown stuff?!?!"
Tay: "I don't know"
Me: "It wasn't there 3 seconds ago--did you add Vanilla?!?"
Tay: "No"
Me: "I NEED to know! Baking is a science Taytum!" (I never said I didn't over exaggerate)
Tay "Yeeeeah...I wanted it to taste good"
I proceeded to forget the whole "count to 10" rule and explained that ingredients are expensive, it could ruin the batter, waste of time...yada yada...: - / (I appologized--aaaaafter she dramatically exited the kitchen and made it known that she didn't want to cook with me anymore anyways!)
Later in the evening I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and there was an envelope addressed to "Rabecca". Inside was a note, folded in 3rds--brochure style. It read..."Very Sorry for putting more vinnila in the zuceny bread. I will if you want me to, I can buy more stuff for you but I don't have anuff money but I could save up but I do not want to sorry. : ( " (Very similar to the Proactive she wanted to buy me for my birthday except that she decided she'd rather save up for toys for herself) Hahaaa....again...it's the thought that counts.
She also drew me word puzzles to solve--all of them were her name either scrambled or missing letters (adorable).
Hopefully she'll want to cook with me again!
Tonight Taytum and I were trying to dwindle the mountain of zucchini we have coming from the garden by baking zucchini-blueberry bread. She was pretty much in control of the whole process but I checked in on her here and there and riiiiiiight as I turned to grab the pans I turned and noticed a rather significant amount of brown liquid floating on top of the batter that was, 3 seconds previously, ready to go--Taytum and a bottle of Vanilla Extract were conveniently next to the bowl...
Me: "WHAAAAT is that brown stuff?!?!"
Tay: "I don't know"
Me: "It wasn't there 3 seconds ago--did you add Vanilla?!?"
Tay: "No"
Me: "I NEED to know! Baking is a science Taytum!" (I never said I didn't over exaggerate)
Tay "Yeeeeah...I wanted it to taste good"
I proceeded to forget the whole "count to 10" rule and explained that ingredients are expensive, it could ruin the batter, waste of time...yada yada...: - / (I appologized--aaaaafter she dramatically exited the kitchen and made it known that she didn't want to cook with me anymore anyways!)
Later in the evening I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and there was an envelope addressed to "Rabecca". Inside was a note, folded in 3rds--brochure style. It read..."Very Sorry for putting more vinnila in the zuceny bread. I will if you want me to, I can buy more stuff for you but I don't have anuff money but I could save up but I do not want to sorry. : ( " (Very similar to the Proactive she wanted to buy me for my birthday except that she decided she'd rather save up for toys for herself) Hahaaa....again...it's the thought that counts.
She also drew me word puzzles to solve--all of them were her name either scrambled or missing letters (adorable).
Hopefully she'll want to cook with me again!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Heart of Gold-Plated Honesty
I have managed to instill some form of manners in Taytum...unfortunately she finds loop holes and can turn a perfectly meaningful guesture into cold hard (unspoken) honesty.
A few weeks ago while I was getting ready she asked me "Mom? Is that what you're wearing?" So I responded "Yeah, why?" at that moment the inner struggle showed on her face--Do I say what I think or Do I follow the "rules"?!?! She chose both--finding a loop hole. "Well...Nevermind...you know...'If you don't have something nice to saaaaay'"...ha.
Last night on our way home from a BBQ she was in a sleepy/cuddly mood and was rubbing my arm...and then so "sweetly" told me "I love your squishy arms." Note to Self: do tri-ceps this week at the gym.
While in the same mood on the same drive home..."I know what I'm going to get you for your birthday....it's perfect!" It's rare that she expresses the interest in other people's thoughts, feelings, LIVES at all so I thought that her thinking into the future and wanting to gift me (usually a homemade coloring project or a wrapped DVD that I already own) was sweet...until she finished the conversasion...ugh
"Ohhhh...nevermind..I don't think I will be able to save up the money because I'm already saving to buy stuff for my doll-house...should I just tell you what I was GOING to get for you?" (Sure--it's the thought that counts right?!?) "Proactive! Isn't that perfect?! It gets rid of zits! Because isn't it weird that none of your friends have zits but you DOOOO?!?"
Ahhhhh....kids
A few weeks ago while I was getting ready she asked me "Mom? Is that what you're wearing?" So I responded "Yeah, why?" at that moment the inner struggle showed on her face--Do I say what I think or Do I follow the "rules"?!?! She chose both--finding a loop hole. "Well...Nevermind...you know...'If you don't have something nice to saaaaay'"...ha.
Last night on our way home from a BBQ she was in a sleepy/cuddly mood and was rubbing my arm...and then so "sweetly" told me "I love your squishy arms." Note to Self: do tri-ceps this week at the gym.
While in the same mood on the same drive home..."I know what I'm going to get you for your birthday....it's perfect!" It's rare that she expresses the interest in other people's thoughts, feelings, LIVES at all so I thought that her thinking into the future and wanting to gift me (usually a homemade coloring project or a wrapped DVD that I already own) was sweet...until she finished the conversasion...ugh
"Ohhhh...nevermind..I don't think I will be able to save up the money because I'm already saving to buy stuff for my doll-house...should I just tell you what I was GOING to get for you?" (Sure--it's the thought that counts right?!?) "Proactive! Isn't that perfect?! It gets rid of zits! Because isn't it weird that none of your friends have zits but you DOOOO?!?"
Ahhhhh....kids
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Say What?!
I think the funniest things about kids in general is that they repeat phrases that adults say...but usually out of context...or they mix up a key punch line...it's the best...here's a few mix ups/misunderstandings of Tay's that kiiiilll me
Process of trying to find the scissors
Dad "Taytum grab the scissors for me"
Tay (after looking in the drawer) "They're not in here"
Dad "where are they?"
Robin "well Beck had them last so they're probably somewhere they don't belong. I think I saw them in the bathroom"
Me: "why would they be in the bathroom?!?!"
Tay (after going to look in the bathroom) "well....I guess aunt robin has the brain of a hyena!" (holds up scissors) "they were in there!"
Wrong Anatomy
This is from last year but I remembered it as we were watching AFV and there was a montage of nut shots---or as taytum says "Oooo right in the pant crease"..haaaha
Anyways...last year...
Me: "how was school?"
Tay: "good, except I got kicked in the nuts"
Me: speechless
Tay: "What are nuts?"
Me: "you don't have any"
Tay: "ohhhhh" (finally realizing what nuts are) "I didn't get kicked in the nuts"
Sleepover process
Me:"did you get Alyssa's phone number so you can invite her?"
Tay: "no i gave her mine"
Robin: "what if she doesn't call you?!?!"
Tay (very puzzled at why she didn't think of that)
Robin: "you better hope she doesn't have a life--one day isn't very much notice for her parents"
Tay: "GROSS Robin!"
Us: "what?!?"
Tay: "If she comes here....and she's DEAD...that's so gross!!!"
Don't Forget the Lyrics
In 2nd grade the kids take turn rehearsing the Pledge of Allegiance over the loud speaker..a few days before Tay's turn we suggested she rehearse it in front of us
...
Tay: "...And to the republic, for Richard stands.."
Us: Oops..it's not 'for Ricard stands'
Tay: "what is it?"
Group: I pledge my allegiance...yada yada...mixed up the lines altogether..finally Robin blurts out...
Robin: "It's for Better or Worse"
Bahaaaa...nope those are wedding vows
This went on and on...we finally got it right :) And she rehearsed it perfectly :)
Guess it's not always the kids that mix stuff up : /
Process of trying to find the scissors
Dad "Taytum grab the scissors for me"
Tay (after looking in the drawer) "They're not in here"
Dad "where are they?"
Robin "well Beck had them last so they're probably somewhere they don't belong. I think I saw them in the bathroom"
Me: "why would they be in the bathroom?!?!"
Tay (after going to look in the bathroom) "well....I guess aunt robin has the brain of a hyena!" (holds up scissors) "they were in there!"
Wrong Anatomy
This is from last year but I remembered it as we were watching AFV and there was a montage of nut shots---or as taytum says "Oooo right in the pant crease"..haaaha
Anyways...last year...
Me: "how was school?"
Tay: "good, except I got kicked in the nuts"
Me: speechless
Tay: "What are nuts?"
Me: "you don't have any"
Tay: "ohhhhh" (finally realizing what nuts are) "I didn't get kicked in the nuts"
Sleepover process
Me:"did you get Alyssa's phone number so you can invite her?"
Tay: "no i gave her mine"
Robin: "what if she doesn't call you?!?!"
Tay (very puzzled at why she didn't think of that)
Robin: "you better hope she doesn't have a life--one day isn't very much notice for her parents"
Tay: "GROSS Robin!"
Us: "what?!?"
Tay: "If she comes here....and she's DEAD...that's so gross!!!"
Don't Forget the Lyrics
In 2nd grade the kids take turn rehearsing the Pledge of Allegiance over the loud speaker..a few days before Tay's turn we suggested she rehearse it in front of us
...
Tay: "...And to the republic, for Richard stands.."
Us: Oops..it's not 'for Ricard stands'
Tay: "what is it?"
Group: I pledge my allegiance...yada yada...mixed up the lines altogether..finally Robin blurts out...
Robin: "It's for Better or Worse"
Bahaaaa...nope those are wedding vows
This went on and on...we finally got it right :) And she rehearsed it perfectly :)
Guess it's not always the kids that mix stuff up : /
Exorcist on Speedial
This post is an oldie...but goody (Via Facebook) I thought of it because last night I woke up to see that Taytum's light was on in her room...I peeked my head in and she was sitting on her bed staring at herself in the mirror--blaaaank expression (gulp)...It becomes more and more clear each time something like this happens that I need to carry some sort of food item on me at all times--food makes her happy and I feel like it would snap her out of killing me (fingers crossed).
This is the scariest episode I've had with her sleepwalking...
tay (from her bed) "when are you coming?"
me (moment of silence)..."who?"
tay "youuuuu"
me "where?"
tay "here...come here"
me "I'm sleeping...goodnight"
tay "come to my world"
me (this is it...my life is over...) "I don't want to come to your world"
tay "the carpet is nice"
me "go to sleep"
tay (gets up and goes to the bathroom...then comes into my room (Eeeeeek) "come to my world"
me "why are you saying world?!?!?!?!?!...it's night time...go back to bed"
tay "ok...I'll be waiting for you"
me (sweating I'm so freaked out) "please don't"
EEeeeeek....major creeper...needless to say...she did not even remember this the next morning
She's also had episodes where she gets up and starts washing her hands with toothpaste or just aimlessly walk through the house...when she was younger we heard the front door shut at around 11pm and we thought we were about to experience stranger-danger slaughter fest when we finally worked up enough courage to go poke our heads out the door and saw Taytum standing outside facing the door completely out of it--yikes! Chain lock was installed the next day.
Something I'm a little more comfortable with, although still creepy, is her sleep talking. This is a trait she somehow inherited from my sister, who used to yell at me in her sleep for years!
Tay doesn't yell but she has the weeeeeirdest dreams.
One night I heard her whimpering so I went into her room where she continued to tell me that the little boy was being mean to the yellow bird and that no one would play with it.
For those of you that have never experienced someone walking/talking in their sleep...I'm envious. I haven't been able to watch a horror movie since Taytum was born--I've seen all 3 Child's Play movies, The Shining, Village of the Damned. The Poltergeist...etc....I know that if someone is going to become possessed...it's going to be a kid...and who's the first vicitm?!?...the parents! Eff that!
This is the scariest episode I've had with her sleepwalking...
tay (from her bed) "when are you coming?"
me (moment of silence)..."who?"
tay "youuuuu"
me "where?"
tay "here...come here"
me "I'm sleeping...goodnight"
tay "come to my world"
me (this is it...my life is over...) "I don't want to come to your world"
tay "the carpet is nice"
me "go to sleep"
tay (gets up and goes to the bathroom...then comes into my room (Eeeeeek) "come to my world"
me "why are you saying world?!?!?!?!?!...it's night time...go back to bed"
tay "ok...I'll be waiting for you"
me (sweating I'm so freaked out) "please don't"
EEeeeeek....major creeper...needless to say...she did not even remember this the next morning
She's also had episodes where she gets up and starts washing her hands with toothpaste or just aimlessly walk through the house...when she was younger we heard the front door shut at around 11pm and we thought we were about to experience stranger-danger slaughter fest when we finally worked up enough courage to go poke our heads out the door and saw Taytum standing outside facing the door completely out of it--yikes! Chain lock was installed the next day.
Something I'm a little more comfortable with, although still creepy, is her sleep talking. This is a trait she somehow inherited from my sister, who used to yell at me in her sleep for years!
Tay doesn't yell but she has the weeeeeirdest dreams.
One night I heard her whimpering so I went into her room where she continued to tell me that the little boy was being mean to the yellow bird and that no one would play with it.
For those of you that have never experienced someone walking/talking in their sleep...I'm envious. I haven't been able to watch a horror movie since Taytum was born--I've seen all 3 Child's Play movies, The Shining, Village of the Damned. The Poltergeist...etc....I know that if someone is going to become possessed...it's going to be a kid...and who's the first vicitm?!?...the parents! Eff that!
Food For Thought...Literally!
Taytum is a FOODIE....everything and anything always gets related to a food. She's hungry all the time and something always smells like some sort of food. Thankfully she's not a picky eater so she's experienced a wide variety of cuisines--which usually adds to the randomness of her associations.
In response to her anti-itch cream for mosquito bites: "This smells like that one time when I ate a green fruit snack and a purple fruit snack at the same time! Grossss (insert gagging effects)"
In response to trying to dive over a flotation raft: "Do you want me to do it the hamburger way or the hotdog way?" whaaaaaat??!?!
In response to an Eminem song on the radio: "Who sings this?" Me: "Eminem" "M & M?!?! Whyyyy is his name M & M?!?! That must be his favorite food! When I'm famous I want to be called Skittles--no no no...RIBS...I looooooove ribs!" Oyi!
These just occurred this week so they're fresh on my mind and I'm struggling to think of any other concrete examples but it's usually the first thing out of her mouth whenever we enter a building..she'll say..."It smells like ------ in here"--always a food and it usually leads to her saying she's hungry within 2 minutes.
Needless to say she does not practice the five second rule--she once told me that she found a piece of candy at the park and ate it because...well..she loves candy.
She's also been known to smell my breath and then probe me with questions demanding what I ate and can she have some?!?
Taytum could be in another room or level of the house and if she hears a wrapper being opened or the sound of a fork/plate interaction....she's there sppppeeeedy quick!
In response to her anti-itch cream for mosquito bites: "This smells like that one time when I ate a green fruit snack and a purple fruit snack at the same time! Grossss (insert gagging effects)"
In response to trying to dive over a flotation raft: "Do you want me to do it the hamburger way or the hotdog way?" whaaaaaat??!?!
In response to an Eminem song on the radio: "Who sings this?" Me: "Eminem" "M & M?!?! Whyyyy is his name M & M?!?! That must be his favorite food! When I'm famous I want to be called Skittles--no no no...RIBS...I looooooove ribs!" Oyi!
These just occurred this week so they're fresh on my mind and I'm struggling to think of any other concrete examples but it's usually the first thing out of her mouth whenever we enter a building..she'll say..."It smells like ------ in here"--always a food and it usually leads to her saying she's hungry within 2 minutes.
Needless to say she does not practice the five second rule--she once told me that she found a piece of candy at the park and ate it because...well..she loves candy.
She's also been known to smell my breath and then probe me with questions demanding what I ate and can she have some?!?
Taytum could be in another room or level of the house and if she hears a wrapper being opened or the sound of a fork/plate interaction....she's there sppppeeeedy quick!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Creating a Monster
As a parent, there are many ways to create permanent "damage" to your child--even when you're not trying!
So here is my warning: Never buy your kid Day-Of-The-Week crap--especially if they are borderline OCD already! And more importantly if you don't do laundry at least twice a week! I made the mistake of buying Taytum Days-of-the-Week socks--adorable--had no idea they would make me late for work on a regular basis!
Today Taytum decided that she wanted to wear socks and tennis shoes about 4 minutes AFTER I had asked her to get her shoes on so we could go....not any socks would do...she wanted her Friday socks. I did laundry yesterday so I knew I was in the clear--not exactly--my method of folding/putting away socks and underwear consists of dumping the basket into a drawer --no one has died yet people! She found the first one instantly...9 minutes later...she finally found the missing Friday sock...thankfully no one in my office comes in on Fridays before 10am.
This is my fault--I caused permanent damage in Taytum making her OCD about her room and belongings (and now footwear!)....Those of you that know me well enough know I'm not exactly tidy. Sooooo you would probably be shocked that Taytum is borderline OCD about keeping her room clean. If I even sneeze in her room I get scolded!
Well Taytum began asking for presents for her 9th Bday the day after her 8th. One being a Nintendo DS--she can't keep a headband for 2 days so this was not something I was super pumped about getting her. After a few days I came to the "brilliant" conclusion that if she keeps her room clean and shows that she's responsible by helping out around the house she could get one. So as of Nov 15th 2010 she has slept ON TOP of her covers so that she doesn't mess anything up and refolds the laundry that I shove into her drawers and reorganizes her bookshelf on a regular basis. I mentioned I'm not super tidy sooooo Taytum gets really nervous anytime I go into her room and warns me several times not to mess anything up. It's funny but I can't afford a therapist so I'm a bit worried : /
The funny thing is I've had lots of run ins with almost messing Taytum up permanently--I have no idea why I didn't see this coming!
One night when Taytum was in Kindergarten she wanted Culvers--we had been there already earlier in the week and so I told her "no". Well....one thing led to another and I thought I was doing the right thing by not pulling the "Because I said so" card but kids literally say "why?" consecutively until you give them an answer they are satisfied with--or that scares them into NEVER wanting fast food again (oops).
Since Taytum wouldn't drop the "why" business I ended up spending 20 minutes explaining to her the effects of a High-Fat diet, heart disease, hypertension, atherosclerosis, heart attacks and strokes, yada yada (keep in mind she's 5 at this time)--this ended with her crying and saying she didn't want to die and never wanted to eat hamburgers ever again. At first I was delighted! I would have one of those kids that loved healthy foods and I wouldn't have to worry about her making the wrong decisions! Then panic--did I just give her an eating disorder?!?! Eeeeeek! Luckily Taytum lasted maaaaaybe 2 weeks tops and eats everything and anything--even fruits and veggies :)
For those of you with Kids...I hope I've helped you...for those of you without kids....I hope I haven't caused you to double up on your birth control : /
So here is my warning: Never buy your kid Day-Of-The-Week crap--especially if they are borderline OCD already! And more importantly if you don't do laundry at least twice a week! I made the mistake of buying Taytum Days-of-the-Week socks--adorable--had no idea they would make me late for work on a regular basis!
Today Taytum decided that she wanted to wear socks and tennis shoes about 4 minutes AFTER I had asked her to get her shoes on so we could go....not any socks would do...she wanted her Friday socks. I did laundry yesterday so I knew I was in the clear--not exactly--my method of folding/putting away socks and underwear consists of dumping the basket into a drawer --no one has died yet people! She found the first one instantly...9 minutes later...she finally found the missing Friday sock...thankfully no one in my office comes in on Fridays before 10am.
This is my fault--I caused permanent damage in Taytum making her OCD about her room and belongings (and now footwear!)....Those of you that know me well enough know I'm not exactly tidy. Sooooo you would probably be shocked that Taytum is borderline OCD about keeping her room clean. If I even sneeze in her room I get scolded!
Well Taytum began asking for presents for her 9th Bday the day after her 8th. One being a Nintendo DS--she can't keep a headband for 2 days so this was not something I was super pumped about getting her. After a few days I came to the "brilliant" conclusion that if she keeps her room clean and shows that she's responsible by helping out around the house she could get one. So as of Nov 15th 2010 she has slept ON TOP of her covers so that she doesn't mess anything up and refolds the laundry that I shove into her drawers and reorganizes her bookshelf on a regular basis. I mentioned I'm not super tidy sooooo Taytum gets really nervous anytime I go into her room and warns me several times not to mess anything up. It's funny but I can't afford a therapist so I'm a bit worried : /
The funny thing is I've had lots of run ins with almost messing Taytum up permanently--I have no idea why I didn't see this coming!
One night when Taytum was in Kindergarten she wanted Culvers--we had been there already earlier in the week and so I told her "no". Well....one thing led to another and I thought I was doing the right thing by not pulling the "Because I said so" card but kids literally say "why?" consecutively until you give them an answer they are satisfied with--or that scares them into NEVER wanting fast food again (oops).
Since Taytum wouldn't drop the "why" business I ended up spending 20 minutes explaining to her the effects of a High-Fat diet, heart disease, hypertension, atherosclerosis, heart attacks and strokes, yada yada (keep in mind she's 5 at this time)--this ended with her crying and saying she didn't want to die and never wanted to eat hamburgers ever again. At first I was delighted! I would have one of those kids that loved healthy foods and I wouldn't have to worry about her making the wrong decisions! Then panic--did I just give her an eating disorder?!?! Eeeeeek! Luckily Taytum lasted maaaaaybe 2 weeks tops and eats everything and anything--even fruits and veggies :)
For those of you with Kids...I hope I've helped you...for those of you without kids....I hope I haven't caused you to double up on your birth control : /
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wine induced productivity
So for years I've been sharing, via facebook, the things Taytum says and does--which are usually a combo of funny and creepy. Aaaand for years, people have been telling me I should start a blog. As a college student that sorta works this was the last thing I thought I'd EVER have time to do---until....I noticed there was a bottle of wine with my name on it and an evening with nothing to do! Sooooo here is the very first post...oddly enough it isn't about Taytum...but I promise--the rest will be :)
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