Taytum is 8 and I'm not sure if this is universal but she's always "right". Even when we try to help her realize what the correct answer is...she insists...she's right...we're wrong. It sounds trivial right? WRONG! It is annoying because she does it every day to almost everything I say!!
My favorite is when she sings--thankfully she is still innocent enough to overhear/misunderstand most radio songs so I don't even correct her--P.S. WHO keeps writing Rihanna's songs?!?! But there are a few I try to correct her on and she still insists on being right even when it's not logical...at all!
A few examples I can think of off hand...
Extraterrestrial
Katy Perry's Version: You're an Alien...
Taytum's Version: You're an Idiot...
Stuck Like Glue
Sugarland's Version: Oh Oh Oh Oh Stuck like glue...you and me baby..
Taytum's Verison: Oh Oh Oh Oh Snuggle like blue...
Sex on Fire
K.O.L. Version: Your sex is on fire
Taytum's Version: Your Six is on fire (whew--didn't go there)
When I sang the correct Sugarland lyrics Taytum jumped in and insisted I was singing them wrong...that's when she gave me her version (snuggle like blue). When I told her that doesn't make sense she assured me that "They are snuggling so hard they turn blue...duh" I tried to explain the whole "Stuck like Glue" because glue is sticky...they're staying together...she just insisted that glue isn't sticky! Ahhhh
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Biology
So for those of you that know Taytum's birth story...sorry...here's one quick recap (because for those that don't--you'll need to know to truly appreciate this Taytum quote)
Short Version: Young Tayter Tot was born in a bathroom (my bathroom to be specific). For the long version you'll have to have time...it's a doosy!
Key points: Went to the hospital...got sent home...felt like I had to poo (yes, girls do that)...BAM! A Tayter Tot was born. (And No--I was not on "I didn't know I was pregnant")
Anyways...Taytum has heard me tell the story over and over and over...most recently she chimed in with...
"I always thought that's how I got brown skin"
Which is funny because not only has Taytum asked me 94 times why I have white skin and she has brown skin but so has EVERY classmate she has ever had from preschool til present day...and I've always used the analogy of mixing dark brown paint with white paint...yada yada...so leave it to Taytum to think that she was brown because I "pooped" her out. Oi!
Short Version: Young Tayter Tot was born in a bathroom (my bathroom to be specific). For the long version you'll have to have time...it's a doosy!
Key points: Went to the hospital...got sent home...felt like I had to poo (yes, girls do that)...BAM! A Tayter Tot was born. (And No--I was not on "I didn't know I was pregnant")
Anyways...Taytum has heard me tell the story over and over and over...most recently she chimed in with...
"I always thought that's how I got brown skin"
Which is funny because not only has Taytum asked me 94 times why I have white skin and she has brown skin but so has EVERY classmate she has ever had from preschool til present day...and I've always used the analogy of mixing dark brown paint with white paint...yada yada...so leave it to Taytum to think that she was brown because I "pooped" her out. Oi!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Foodie
If you read "Food For Thought...Literally" you're aware how much Taytum thinks about food. It ceases to amaze me that it never stops--even when she isn't hungry!
Taytum had a pretty severe abdominal pain that wasn't going away so we spent the weekend in-and-out of Urgent Care and the Emergency Room...where they finally had to hook her up to an IV and give her Morphine while they did a bunch of tests.
Separate Note: Kids on Morphine, especially Taytum, is super entertaining
Back to the story...
Tay was watching TV when she turned to me and asked "What do I get for having all these needles poked in me and for being so brave?"
Me: "Extra hugs and kisses!"
Tay: "What about a platter full of Tyson Chicken Nuggets?"
Me: "seriously?!?"
Tay: "yes! It sounds so good!"
Me: "Well maybe when you're feeling better and definitely not an entire platter"
Tay: "Then can I have chicken nuggets AND Cheerio's?!?"
Only Taytum
Taytum had a pretty severe abdominal pain that wasn't going away so we spent the weekend in-and-out of Urgent Care and the Emergency Room...where they finally had to hook her up to an IV and give her Morphine while they did a bunch of tests.
Separate Note: Kids on Morphine, especially Taytum, is super entertaining
Back to the story...
Tay was watching TV when she turned to me and asked "What do I get for having all these needles poked in me and for being so brave?"
Me: "Extra hugs and kisses!"
Tay: "What about a platter full of Tyson Chicken Nuggets?"
Me: "seriously?!?"
Tay: "yes! It sounds so good!"
Me: "Well maybe when you're feeling better and definitely not an entire platter"
Tay: "Then can I have chicken nuggets AND Cheerio's?!?"
Only Taytum
A Regular Sally Struthers
When the Tot turned 5 she had her wellness check up where she got all her immunizations for school. It was pretty rough--thankfully I had taken my sister so between the two of us we had to pin her down and try to distract her from the nurses giving her the shots....Robin and I cried harder than Taytum did!
When we were leaving the office Taytum made a comment about wanting to be a nurse when she grows up...
"That's nice--so you can help people feel better?"
"No! So I can give other people shots--that hurt!"
Such a giver!
This morning when I was getting ready for work Tay asked me "Mom? What is the #1 thing you care about in the WHOLE WORLD?"
"You"
"Well the thing I care most about is the homeless"
"Interesting..."
"I do, I can't help it...I just feel so bad for them" (It's the randomness of this comment that made me laugh--not the thought--we all know how thoughtful Taytum can be--until it involves money)
That's nice of her--but honestly they make more money than I do! And considering I caught her taking money from the "donation" jar and putting it into the "Taytum" jar when she was in kindergarten I'm guessing she cares just as much about giving them her money as she does about buying me proactive for my birthday!
When we were leaving the office Taytum made a comment about wanting to be a nurse when she grows up...
"That's nice--so you can help people feel better?"
"No! So I can give other people shots--that hurt!"
Such a giver!
This morning when I was getting ready for work Tay asked me "Mom? What is the #1 thing you care about in the WHOLE WORLD?"
"You"
"Well the thing I care most about is the homeless"
"Interesting..."
"I do, I can't help it...I just feel so bad for them" (It's the randomness of this comment that made me laugh--not the thought--we all know how thoughtful Taytum can be--until it involves money)
That's nice of her--but honestly they make more money than I do! And considering I caught her taking money from the "donation" jar and putting it into the "Taytum" jar when she was in kindergarten I'm guessing she cares just as much about giving them her money as she does about buying me proactive for my birthday!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Hell's Kitchen
As a firm believer in 'knowing how to cook' is the ultimate necessity in life--I teach Taytum how to cook or involve her in the process as much as possible (and she usually likes it). If you read "Creating A Monster" you'll remember how easy it is to 'damage' children....it turns out I'm a pro at this.
Tonight Taytum and I were trying to dwindle the mountain of zucchini we have coming from the garden by baking zucchini-blueberry bread. She was pretty much in control of the whole process but I checked in on her here and there and riiiiiiight as I turned to grab the pans I turned and noticed a rather significant amount of brown liquid floating on top of the batter that was, 3 seconds previously, ready to go--Taytum and a bottle of Vanilla Extract were conveniently next to the bowl...
Me: "WHAAAAT is that brown stuff?!?!"
Tay: "I don't know"
Me: "It wasn't there 3 seconds ago--did you add Vanilla?!?"
Tay: "No"
Me: "I NEED to know! Baking is a science Taytum!" (I never said I didn't over exaggerate)
Tay "Yeeeeah...I wanted it to taste good"
I proceeded to forget the whole "count to 10" rule and explained that ingredients are expensive, it could ruin the batter, waste of time...yada yada...: - / (I appologized--aaaaafter she dramatically exited the kitchen and made it known that she didn't want to cook with me anymore anyways!)
Later in the evening I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and there was an envelope addressed to "Rabecca". Inside was a note, folded in 3rds--brochure style. It read..."Very Sorry for putting more vinnila in the zuceny bread. I will if you want me to, I can buy more stuff for you but I don't have anuff money but I could save up but I do not want to sorry. : ( " (Very similar to the Proactive she wanted to buy me for my birthday except that she decided she'd rather save up for toys for herself) Hahaaa....again...it's the thought that counts.
She also drew me word puzzles to solve--all of them were her name either scrambled or missing letters (adorable).
Hopefully she'll want to cook with me again!
Tonight Taytum and I were trying to dwindle the mountain of zucchini we have coming from the garden by baking zucchini-blueberry bread. She was pretty much in control of the whole process but I checked in on her here and there and riiiiiiight as I turned to grab the pans I turned and noticed a rather significant amount of brown liquid floating on top of the batter that was, 3 seconds previously, ready to go--Taytum and a bottle of Vanilla Extract were conveniently next to the bowl...
Me: "WHAAAAT is that brown stuff?!?!"
Tay: "I don't know"
Me: "It wasn't there 3 seconds ago--did you add Vanilla?!?"
Tay: "No"
Me: "I NEED to know! Baking is a science Taytum!" (I never said I didn't over exaggerate)
Tay "Yeeeeah...I wanted it to taste good"
I proceeded to forget the whole "count to 10" rule and explained that ingredients are expensive, it could ruin the batter, waste of time...yada yada...: - / (I appologized--aaaaafter she dramatically exited the kitchen and made it known that she didn't want to cook with me anymore anyways!)
Later in the evening I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and there was an envelope addressed to "Rabecca". Inside was a note, folded in 3rds--brochure style. It read..."Very Sorry for putting more vinnila in the zuceny bread. I will if you want me to, I can buy more stuff for you but I don't have anuff money but I could save up but I do not want to sorry. : ( " (Very similar to the Proactive she wanted to buy me for my birthday except that she decided she'd rather save up for toys for herself) Hahaaa....again...it's the thought that counts.
She also drew me word puzzles to solve--all of them were her name either scrambled or missing letters (adorable).
Hopefully she'll want to cook with me again!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Heart of Gold-Plated Honesty
I have managed to instill some form of manners in Taytum...unfortunately she finds loop holes and can turn a perfectly meaningful guesture into cold hard (unspoken) honesty.
A few weeks ago while I was getting ready she asked me "Mom? Is that what you're wearing?" So I responded "Yeah, why?" at that moment the inner struggle showed on her face--Do I say what I think or Do I follow the "rules"?!?! She chose both--finding a loop hole. "Well...Nevermind...you know...'If you don't have something nice to saaaaay'"...ha.
Last night on our way home from a BBQ she was in a sleepy/cuddly mood and was rubbing my arm...and then so "sweetly" told me "I love your squishy arms." Note to Self: do tri-ceps this week at the gym.
While in the same mood on the same drive home..."I know what I'm going to get you for your birthday....it's perfect!" It's rare that she expresses the interest in other people's thoughts, feelings, LIVES at all so I thought that her thinking into the future and wanting to gift me (usually a homemade coloring project or a wrapped DVD that I already own) was sweet...until she finished the conversasion...ugh
"Ohhhh...nevermind..I don't think I will be able to save up the money because I'm already saving to buy stuff for my doll-house...should I just tell you what I was GOING to get for you?" (Sure--it's the thought that counts right?!?) "Proactive! Isn't that perfect?! It gets rid of zits! Because isn't it weird that none of your friends have zits but you DOOOO?!?"
Ahhhhh....kids
A few weeks ago while I was getting ready she asked me "Mom? Is that what you're wearing?" So I responded "Yeah, why?" at that moment the inner struggle showed on her face--Do I say what I think or Do I follow the "rules"?!?! She chose both--finding a loop hole. "Well...Nevermind...you know...'If you don't have something nice to saaaaay'"...ha.
Last night on our way home from a BBQ she was in a sleepy/cuddly mood and was rubbing my arm...and then so "sweetly" told me "I love your squishy arms." Note to Self: do tri-ceps this week at the gym.
While in the same mood on the same drive home..."I know what I'm going to get you for your birthday....it's perfect!" It's rare that she expresses the interest in other people's thoughts, feelings, LIVES at all so I thought that her thinking into the future and wanting to gift me (usually a homemade coloring project or a wrapped DVD that I already own) was sweet...until she finished the conversasion...ugh
"Ohhhh...nevermind..I don't think I will be able to save up the money because I'm already saving to buy stuff for my doll-house...should I just tell you what I was GOING to get for you?" (Sure--it's the thought that counts right?!?) "Proactive! Isn't that perfect?! It gets rid of zits! Because isn't it weird that none of your friends have zits but you DOOOO?!?"
Ahhhhh....kids
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Say What?!
I think the funniest things about kids in general is that they repeat phrases that adults say...but usually out of context...or they mix up a key punch line...it's the best...here's a few mix ups/misunderstandings of Tay's that kiiiilll me
Process of trying to find the scissors
Dad "Taytum grab the scissors for me"
Tay (after looking in the drawer) "They're not in here"
Dad "where are they?"
Robin "well Beck had them last so they're probably somewhere they don't belong. I think I saw them in the bathroom"
Me: "why would they be in the bathroom?!?!"
Tay (after going to look in the bathroom) "well....I guess aunt robin has the brain of a hyena!" (holds up scissors) "they were in there!"
Wrong Anatomy
This is from last year but I remembered it as we were watching AFV and there was a montage of nut shots---or as taytum says "Oooo right in the pant crease"..haaaha
Anyways...last year...
Me: "how was school?"
Tay: "good, except I got kicked in the nuts"
Me: speechless
Tay: "What are nuts?"
Me: "you don't have any"
Tay: "ohhhhh" (finally realizing what nuts are) "I didn't get kicked in the nuts"
Sleepover process
Me:"did you get Alyssa's phone number so you can invite her?"
Tay: "no i gave her mine"
Robin: "what if she doesn't call you?!?!"
Tay (very puzzled at why she didn't think of that)
Robin: "you better hope she doesn't have a life--one day isn't very much notice for her parents"
Tay: "GROSS Robin!"
Us: "what?!?"
Tay: "If she comes here....and she's DEAD...that's so gross!!!"
Don't Forget the Lyrics
In 2nd grade the kids take turn rehearsing the Pledge of Allegiance over the loud speaker..a few days before Tay's turn we suggested she rehearse it in front of us
...
Tay: "...And to the republic, for Richard stands.."
Us: Oops..it's not 'for Ricard stands'
Tay: "what is it?"
Group: I pledge my allegiance...yada yada...mixed up the lines altogether..finally Robin blurts out...
Robin: "It's for Better or Worse"
Bahaaaa...nope those are wedding vows
This went on and on...we finally got it right :) And she rehearsed it perfectly :)
Guess it's not always the kids that mix stuff up : /
Process of trying to find the scissors
Dad "Taytum grab the scissors for me"
Tay (after looking in the drawer) "They're not in here"
Dad "where are they?"
Robin "well Beck had them last so they're probably somewhere they don't belong. I think I saw them in the bathroom"
Me: "why would they be in the bathroom?!?!"
Tay (after going to look in the bathroom) "well....I guess aunt robin has the brain of a hyena!" (holds up scissors) "they were in there!"
Wrong Anatomy
This is from last year but I remembered it as we were watching AFV and there was a montage of nut shots---or as taytum says "Oooo right in the pant crease"..haaaha
Anyways...last year...
Me: "how was school?"
Tay: "good, except I got kicked in the nuts"
Me: speechless
Tay: "What are nuts?"
Me: "you don't have any"
Tay: "ohhhhh" (finally realizing what nuts are) "I didn't get kicked in the nuts"
Sleepover process
Me:"did you get Alyssa's phone number so you can invite her?"
Tay: "no i gave her mine"
Robin: "what if she doesn't call you?!?!"
Tay (very puzzled at why she didn't think of that)
Robin: "you better hope she doesn't have a life--one day isn't very much notice for her parents"
Tay: "GROSS Robin!"
Us: "what?!?"
Tay: "If she comes here....and she's DEAD...that's so gross!!!"
Don't Forget the Lyrics
In 2nd grade the kids take turn rehearsing the Pledge of Allegiance over the loud speaker..a few days before Tay's turn we suggested she rehearse it in front of us
...
Tay: "...And to the republic, for Richard stands.."
Us: Oops..it's not 'for Ricard stands'
Tay: "what is it?"
Group: I pledge my allegiance...yada yada...mixed up the lines altogether..finally Robin blurts out...
Robin: "It's for Better or Worse"
Bahaaaa...nope those are wedding vows
This went on and on...we finally got it right :) And she rehearsed it perfectly :)
Guess it's not always the kids that mix stuff up : /
Exorcist on Speedial
This post is an oldie...but goody (Via Facebook) I thought of it because last night I woke up to see that Taytum's light was on in her room...I peeked my head in and she was sitting on her bed staring at herself in the mirror--blaaaank expression (gulp)...It becomes more and more clear each time something like this happens that I need to carry some sort of food item on me at all times--food makes her happy and I feel like it would snap her out of killing me (fingers crossed).
This is the scariest episode I've had with her sleepwalking...
tay (from her bed) "when are you coming?"
me (moment of silence)..."who?"
tay "youuuuu"
me "where?"
tay "here...come here"
me "I'm sleeping...goodnight"
tay "come to my world"
me (this is it...my life is over...) "I don't want to come to your world"
tay "the carpet is nice"
me "go to sleep"
tay (gets up and goes to the bathroom...then comes into my room (Eeeeeek) "come to my world"
me "why are you saying world?!?!?!?!?!...it's night time...go back to bed"
tay "ok...I'll be waiting for you"
me (sweating I'm so freaked out) "please don't"
EEeeeeek....major creeper...needless to say...she did not even remember this the next morning
She's also had episodes where she gets up and starts washing her hands with toothpaste or just aimlessly walk through the house...when she was younger we heard the front door shut at around 11pm and we thought we were about to experience stranger-danger slaughter fest when we finally worked up enough courage to go poke our heads out the door and saw Taytum standing outside facing the door completely out of it--yikes! Chain lock was installed the next day.
Something I'm a little more comfortable with, although still creepy, is her sleep talking. This is a trait she somehow inherited from my sister, who used to yell at me in her sleep for years!
Tay doesn't yell but she has the weeeeeirdest dreams.
One night I heard her whimpering so I went into her room where she continued to tell me that the little boy was being mean to the yellow bird and that no one would play with it.
For those of you that have never experienced someone walking/talking in their sleep...I'm envious. I haven't been able to watch a horror movie since Taytum was born--I've seen all 3 Child's Play movies, The Shining, Village of the Damned. The Poltergeist...etc....I know that if someone is going to become possessed...it's going to be a kid...and who's the first vicitm?!?...the parents! Eff that!
This is the scariest episode I've had with her sleepwalking...
tay (from her bed) "when are you coming?"
me (moment of silence)..."who?"
tay "youuuuu"
me "where?"
tay "here...come here"
me "I'm sleeping...goodnight"
tay "come to my world"
me (this is it...my life is over...) "I don't want to come to your world"
tay "the carpet is nice"
me "go to sleep"
tay (gets up and goes to the bathroom...then comes into my room (Eeeeeek) "come to my world"
me "why are you saying world?!?!?!?!?!...it's night time...go back to bed"
tay "ok...I'll be waiting for you"
me (sweating I'm so freaked out) "please don't"
EEeeeeek....major creeper...needless to say...she did not even remember this the next morning
She's also had episodes where she gets up and starts washing her hands with toothpaste or just aimlessly walk through the house...when she was younger we heard the front door shut at around 11pm and we thought we were about to experience stranger-danger slaughter fest when we finally worked up enough courage to go poke our heads out the door and saw Taytum standing outside facing the door completely out of it--yikes! Chain lock was installed the next day.
Something I'm a little more comfortable with, although still creepy, is her sleep talking. This is a trait she somehow inherited from my sister, who used to yell at me in her sleep for years!
Tay doesn't yell but she has the weeeeeirdest dreams.
One night I heard her whimpering so I went into her room where she continued to tell me that the little boy was being mean to the yellow bird and that no one would play with it.
For those of you that have never experienced someone walking/talking in their sleep...I'm envious. I haven't been able to watch a horror movie since Taytum was born--I've seen all 3 Child's Play movies, The Shining, Village of the Damned. The Poltergeist...etc....I know that if someone is going to become possessed...it's going to be a kid...and who's the first vicitm?!?...the parents! Eff that!
Food For Thought...Literally!
Taytum is a FOODIE....everything and anything always gets related to a food. She's hungry all the time and something always smells like some sort of food. Thankfully she's not a picky eater so she's experienced a wide variety of cuisines--which usually adds to the randomness of her associations.
In response to her anti-itch cream for mosquito bites: "This smells like that one time when I ate a green fruit snack and a purple fruit snack at the same time! Grossss (insert gagging effects)"
In response to trying to dive over a flotation raft: "Do you want me to do it the hamburger way or the hotdog way?" whaaaaaat??!?!
In response to an Eminem song on the radio: "Who sings this?" Me: "Eminem" "M & M?!?! Whyyyy is his name M & M?!?! That must be his favorite food! When I'm famous I want to be called Skittles--no no no...RIBS...I looooooove ribs!" Oyi!
These just occurred this week so they're fresh on my mind and I'm struggling to think of any other concrete examples but it's usually the first thing out of her mouth whenever we enter a building..she'll say..."It smells like ------ in here"--always a food and it usually leads to her saying she's hungry within 2 minutes.
Needless to say she does not practice the five second rule--she once told me that she found a piece of candy at the park and ate it because...well..she loves candy.
She's also been known to smell my breath and then probe me with questions demanding what I ate and can she have some?!?
Taytum could be in another room or level of the house and if she hears a wrapper being opened or the sound of a fork/plate interaction....she's there sppppeeeedy quick!
In response to her anti-itch cream for mosquito bites: "This smells like that one time when I ate a green fruit snack and a purple fruit snack at the same time! Grossss (insert gagging effects)"
In response to trying to dive over a flotation raft: "Do you want me to do it the hamburger way or the hotdog way?" whaaaaaat??!?!
In response to an Eminem song on the radio: "Who sings this?" Me: "Eminem" "M & M?!?! Whyyyy is his name M & M?!?! That must be his favorite food! When I'm famous I want to be called Skittles--no no no...RIBS...I looooooove ribs!" Oyi!
These just occurred this week so they're fresh on my mind and I'm struggling to think of any other concrete examples but it's usually the first thing out of her mouth whenever we enter a building..she'll say..."It smells like ------ in here"--always a food and it usually leads to her saying she's hungry within 2 minutes.
Needless to say she does not practice the five second rule--she once told me that she found a piece of candy at the park and ate it because...well..she loves candy.
She's also been known to smell my breath and then probe me with questions demanding what I ate and can she have some?!?
Taytum could be in another room or level of the house and if she hears a wrapper being opened or the sound of a fork/plate interaction....she's there sppppeeeedy quick!
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